Want to rent a room??

Just be nice.

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Ken
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Want to rent a room??

Postby Ken » Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:27 pm

Found on the Craigslist...

Terry....I've found someone MORE anal than you...by a LONG SHOT.

Date: 2005-04-04, 1:20AM PDT


Hello, I am seeking out a roommate. I've had several the past three months that did not work out so well and am hoping to find "the perfect housemate." I think it can be done!

1) I am a plastic surgeon, single straight male, and am wealthy but rather lonely. I could keep this house to myself, and have for about a year, but I've realized that life is much better when it's shared with people who are conscious (as opposed to my clients and my nursing staff!). (This is not to say that my nursing staff is unconscious -- obviously they are not! It's just very difficult to become friends with a staff that is somewhat dubious of my methods. I'm no rogue, but I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting -- but I do have a 99% success rate! In any case, it doesn't make much sense to mix business and pleasure.)

2) I do have a dog, Basil Ironweed (yes that is his name, people seem to be confused that I have given him a full name like a person and some kind of laugh, but I assure you I take my dog very seriously and treat him with respect, and I ask that you do the same). It would actually be ideal if you have a female dog of pure pedigree (I'd need to see the papers though, for breeding purposes) and I'd prefer her to be a medium-sized dog (I will consider most breeds except absolutely no Austrailian Kelpies and no American Water Spaniels, please! The coloring of the mating dogs' possible kin would be horrendous if this were the case! Also, Basil is a Border Collie in case you were wondering!) If you do not have a dog, that is also fine. All other pets will be considered except: no cats unless they are of the outdoor variety, no arthropods, and all avians must be salmonella-free, clipped toenails, and tagged.

3) My house has only a one-car garage. It used to be a two-car one, but I decided to convert half of it into a micro-personal gym as I am rather health conscious. (I do have a gym membership, but my gym is not 24-hour, and sometimes at night I really need to get on the bowflex to burn off some of my energy since I have a lot of it! Also, after meals it's inconvenient for me to run off to the gym, and that is why I need one at my disposal. The gym membership is because they have a pool there, and swimming is really good for the joints. Just in case you were wondering.) That said, you'll have to use street parking, but I assure you that my neighborhood is quiet and safe, and there is usually a spot right out in front of my house! (The only time the spot is taken is when the lunch truck comes for the construction workers that are on the corner of my street. It only sits there for about 20 minutes between 1 and 2 pm during the week, depending on how chatty the boys are that day.)

Anyways, I have a few rules that need to be followed, but other than that, we should get along fine!

a) I request that you listen to all music via headphones. I have mild tinnitus and the sounds from most Hi-Fi equipment sans headphones really irriates me. I am open to discussing music, but sadly we cannot directly share it as my ears can't handle rapidly changing frequencies. (If you'd like to share lyrics, I'd be more than delighted to oblige!)

b) If you are going to cook, please do not use the following spices: curries, paprika, anything Cajun, and dill. The smells of these things turns my stomach. (If you have any scents that you'd like to avoid, by all means let me know and I'll do you the same honor.)

c) You must brush your teeth at least twice a day. If there is anything I cannot stand it's filthy teeth. (Believe me, I've had a couple roommates who just could not handle this simple routine -- your gingiva may not mind, but I certainly DO.)

d) If you are going to watch TV, please let me know in advance which programs you'd like to watch. I do have TiVo, by the by, and I have certain shows that I simply must watch when they originally air. I cannot be too flexible with this because I cannot stand to wait to see my programs. You have to understand that I simply have to watch them when they originally air or I will get a little batty. Most of my programs are on public broadcasting and do not tend to run during prime-time spots.

e) I do not appreciate unannounced house-guests. I need to know at least two days in advance that company is coming -- I need to know the duration of the stay, and the nature of the visit. But, I am open to any and all visitors, I just need to know the specifics involved.

f) I have reduced rent drastically because I realize that some of my requests might seem slightly stringent. I will pay the bulk of the rent in exchange for your understanding, your committment to the house, and your humoring of my quirks.

g) You must be ok with my upholstery hobby. On every third-Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45 pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture. I am a perfectionist and require complete silence in the house. I've tried this with housemates who've promised to stay in their rooms, but this proved impossible as bathroom habits demand a regular schedule that interrupts my artisan work. That said, I will give you a small stipend on these days if it will assist you in finding something to do with that block of time.

h) No newspapers or magazines. The ink gets everywhere and the gloss irritates my eyes. Sorry! You are free to read them on the front porch, but they must be stored outside of the house (perhaps in your car?)

i) This is not to sound discriminating, but, if you speak either French, Urdu, or Afrikaans, I kindly request that you not speak them in my vicinity as the cadences used in these languages are grating to the ears and nerves, for me.

j) I have fresh produce delivered from an undisclosed location to my home every Wednesday afternoon. Please do not purchase fruits or vegetables and bring them home. You can request any that you desire and I will add them to my order queue. (I am fastidious about potential-GM produce and pesticide usage -- I will not tolerate either!) Also, if you insist on preparing red meat dishes in the home, do cook the meat thoroughly. IT MUST SIZZLE.

k) No cellphone tones in my home! Please use silent mode only!

l) You are not to use paints in the home. The noxious odors will aggravate my allergies!

That's the summary of my requests! I do actually have a handbook which I will provide for your perusal during our interview (yes, there will be an interview for final-stage candidates) that outlines all of my more particular requests.

If you are interested, please email me the following information:

1) Name

2) Occupation

3) Age

4) Allergies

5) Favorite author


Cheers!




Charleville Blvd. at S. Doheny Dr in Beverly Hills

yes -- dogs are OK - wooof
this is in or around Beverly Hills
The last words spoken before a YouTube video is filmed: "Hold my beer, now watch this..."

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Ken Hower
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Re: Want to rent a room??

Postby Quadgoddess » Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:50 pm

I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting --
Hmm?????????? lol........


If you think this guy is bad....lol.....I won't share my idiosyncrasies....lol
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Postby Mr. Miyagi » Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:05 pm

Dude, I don't even dust.... Nice try.

That does however sound like one of my brothers.... or QG.

lol........... That was a fricken book.
05' Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI, 2.5 warn winch, tool box, front grill, rear bumper, gas pack, Magellan Sportrak Pro GPS and Collett radio.

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Postby Ken » Thu Apr 21, 2005 11:51 pm

Mr. Miyagi wrote:Dude, I don't even dust.... Nice try.
Ok Mr. FOUR potted plants.


The spices...I can handle.

The music? BIZARRE. Share lyrics? WTF?


My Ranking Of THE MOST BIZARRE REQUESTS

NUMBER 3
I do not appreciate unannounced house-guests. I need to know at least two days in advance that company is coming --

2 FUCKING DAYS NOTICE???


NUMBER 2
You must be ok with my upholstery hobby. On every third-Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45 pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture. I am a perfectionist and require complete silence in the house.

7.5 HOURS OF ABSOLUTE SILENCE? While "upholstering"? Oh...and don't forget, that's every THIRD Tuesday.

AND THE NUMBER 1 MOST COMPLETELY BIZARRE
This is not to sound discriminating, but, if you speak either French, Urdu, or Afrikaans, I kindly request that you not speak them in my vicinity as the cadences used in these languages are grating to the ears and nerves, for me.

Cadences are grating? WHAT IN THE FUCKING, fawk?



On a final note. I would WITHOUT A DOUBT....Trust this fawker to perform Plastic Surgery on me and anyone I knew. He's without a doubt the most anal person ever and the surgery would be flawless.
The last words spoken before a YouTube video is filmed: "Hold my beer, now watch this..."

Regards,
Ken Hower
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http://www.rubicontrail.org/

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Re: Want to rent a room??

Postby Ken » Thu Apr 21, 2005 11:55 pm

Quadgoddess wrote:
I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting --
Hmm?????????? lol........


If you think this guy is bad....lol.....I won't share my idiosyncrasies....lol
No no....if you're going to announce that....You gotta spill it.

Techniques....FOR WHAT?
The last words spoken before a YouTube video is filmed: "Hold my beer, now watch this..."

Regards,
Ken Hower
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Mr. Miyagi
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Postby Mr. Miyagi » Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:45 am

lol.... Dude, ever dealt with women and their obsession with fricken potted plants.... I just addressed it yesterday with a tenant. She's gone from three - four to twelve. lol....

Doesn't sound like a big deal... however, in an area the size of 4' x 8'. Five pots are as round as a standard Polaris front tire and she even has a fricken cast iron chair.... Then you have to factor in opening the storm door.... I swear... you almost have to walk up the porch sideways... and as you know, I'm not that big. lol.....

I don't want to get sued for a trip and fall.....
05' Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI, 2.5 warn winch, tool box, front grill, rear bumper, gas pack, Magellan Sportrak Pro GPS and Collett radio.

02' Polaris Sportsman 700, ITP 589 m/s, K&N air filter, Polaris front and rear bumpers.

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Re: Want to rent a room??

Postby Quadgoddess » Fri Apr 22, 2005 6:34 pm

Ken wrote:
Quadgoddess wrote:
I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting --
Hmm?????????? lol........


If you think this guy is bad....lol.....I won't share my idiosyncrasies....lol
No no....if you're going to announce that....You gotta spill it.

Techniques....FOR WHAT?

That's what I was wondering???...I think there is a Tantric message hidden in there somewhere....but hey, what do I know....lol
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Postby Quadgoddess » Fri Apr 22, 2005 6:40 pm

Ken wrote:NUMBER 2
You must be ok with my upholstery hobby. On every third-Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45 pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture. I am a perfectionist and require complete silence in the house.

7.5 HOURS OF ABSOLUTE SILENCE? While "upholstering"? Oh...and don't forget, that's every THIRD Tuesday.

Sounds like a little "Silence of the Lambs" thing goin on....... :shock:

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Postby Quadgoddess » Fri Apr 22, 2005 6:43 pm

Mr. Miyagi wrote:I swear... you almost have to walk up the porch sideways... and as you know, I'm not that big. lol.....
Is that in reference to the banana??? I saw the pics of that too..... :wink: lol.....

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Postby Ken » Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:07 pm

ROFL....brutal.
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Mr. Miyagi
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Postby Mr. Miyagi » Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:20 pm

Hummm, that was good.... lol.
05' Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI, 2.5 warn winch, tool box, front grill, rear bumper, gas pack, Magellan Sportrak Pro GPS and Collett radio.

02' Polaris Sportsman 700, ITP 589 m/s, K&N air filter, Polaris front and rear bumpers.

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Postby Gregg » Sat Apr 23, 2005 7:52 pm

This dickhead mother-fokker lives within 35 miles of me. I gotta move..........;-)
Later............Gregg

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Postby Ken » Sun Apr 24, 2005 8:54 am

Gregg wrote:This dickhead mother-fokker lives within 35 miles of me. I gotta move..........;-)
LOL...yeah...we idly chit chat about this guy...without fear.
The last words spoken before a YouTube video is filmed: "Hold my beer, now watch this..."

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http://www.rubicontrail.org/

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Mr. Miyagi
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Postby Mr. Miyagi » Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:48 pm

Hope YOU never need surgery..... and HE'S not ATVObsessive....lol
05' Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI, 2.5 warn winch, tool box, front grill, rear bumper, gas pack, Magellan Sportrak Pro GPS and Collett radio.

02' Polaris Sportsman 700, ITP 589 m/s, K&N air filter, Polaris front and rear bumpers.

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Postby Ken » Sun Apr 24, 2005 9:46 pm

I'd have that guy operate on my ANY TIME...anywhere. No infection, flawless work...and most like a silent operating room. If he needs absolute silence for cutting fabric, I can only imagine him in the operating room when he's cutting skin.
The last words spoken before a YouTube video is filmed: "Hold my beer, now watch this..."

Regards,
Ken Hower
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http://www.rubicontrail.org/


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